Monthly Archives: July 2010

How I Got Over…Him

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This is an old blog but very timely in today’s discussion regarding love and grace. A young sister came to me today asking about a two year committed relationship recently ended, what seemed to her to be, abruptly.

This lesson doesn’t just pertain to former romantic relationships but relationships in general.
It is always my prayer that my experiences and lessons learned bless the lives of someone else.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I have a sister who asked me to pray for her that she would get her mind off of “him”. She said she’s prayed and prayed about it herself and I realized that I had went through the same thing with my own “him” a few years back and as I was speaking this to her, it ministered to me as well:

If you’re gonna pray for the Lord to take your mind off of a person or thing, pray it once, call it done and move it forward. It didn’t make sense for me to keep going to God sayin, “oh Lord…blah, blah, blah, take my mind off him.” By continuously doing that, my mind was still on HIM!? (the very person I was “praying” I’d get over…)

Instead…to truly find peace, take more time to worship God. Tell God how amazing He is, how wonderful, how merciful. Thank Him for the good times and the lessons learned.
When we get involved in relationships, we tend to give ALL of our energy, time and emotions to that individual and to making it WORK with that individual. If God were truly our priority, we would take the time to worship and praise God, that way we won’t even be thinking about worshipping and praising him/her.

Nothing and no one deserves all of my energy/emotions BUT God!

My favorite Scripture in life right now…Matt 6:33:
“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all things will be added unto you.”

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Pruning and Purging

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To all of you dealing w/the purging of “friends” in your life, again I remind you that you are not alone in this purging season. A plentiful harvest cannot come forth without properly purging. The harvest you’ve been expecting from your sowing is coming forth. Be prepared to receive it! If you hold on to what God is trying to remove, you won’t have room to receive what He has for you! MAKE ROOM in your life for the promises of God to come to fruition!

Be mindful, when you are purging to not be too rough on the pieces you’re removing! Those pieces may not be dead totally and can be revived later with time and proper care. Just like with pruning a plant…there may be a piece that was too weak to help the whole plant grow, but on its own, it can flourish, becoming a whole new plant later in life. Relationships are the same way. Some may not be healthy for your growth NOW, but in the future, they may be a vital part of your life.

So, as you prune and purge, do not do so with a spiteful heart. Always walk in love and grace. I am glad to say that I am still friends with many who, at one point, were removed from my life! No distaste or bitterness involved!

I give thanks to God for allowing my life and my experiences to help you overcome! He is so good!

A Name is More Than Just a Name: Nina = Grace (Hebrew)

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I am finally glad that God made me the type of person to be a friend to people even when they’re don’t act like friends to me. Growing up, my being gracious made me feel weak & vulnerable. Although I am a “social butterfly”, I oftentimes found myself hurt & feeling alone.

As a woman growing in God’s will, I understand the importance of being that gracious person. I understand the freedom that comes from extending grace to those whom I call friend. Even more importantly, I thank God that people know that they can depend on me no matter what.

I’ve grown to understand that sometimes, people don’t really know how to be real friends because they too have been hurt and instead of loving harder, they keep people at a distance, they hurt others, adopting the concept of “misery loves company”. Even still, sometimes, people don’t recognize they’re even hurting you.

And so, to those who have called me friend over the years but have shown me less than the love they say they have, it’s okay…*smiling at God* …don’t see me as weak. I am far from lonely. And even though the actions of others still hurts at times, I have all that I need. Most importantly, I have the grace of God & His love in my heart that allows me to pour the same grace & love onto others who have need…

With all of that being said: I♥YOU

Your friend,

Nina

"Dramas of a Bald Head Queen" Chapter .5

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I was the youngest of my parents’ children and my older brother was quite an independent individual and although I was as well, by being the youngest, I think that placed me in a position to watch and see what to do and what not to do, therefore, eliminating a lot of heartache. At the same time, I was going through that time in my life where I must’ve thought I was “more mature for my age” than I really was. There was some truth to this recurring comment but I was in fact, still a child. I can hear the voices of so many teachers and mentors, “Nina, if you would just apply yourself…,” which would follow with some other encouraging words worthy of “Guidance Counselor of the Year” honors.

This is one thing that I should keep in mind when dealing with young people. Even if they don’t seem to be listening, seeds are being planted. I recall so many times I just sat in tears over a paper that I could’ve gotten a higher grade on had I just not procrastinated. I may have displayed anger towards various teachers because of their loving me enough to tell me about myself and where I lack; In reality, I was more angry at myself for not being mature enough to have grown out of the inhabited place of mediocrity. Although not expressed at the time, I am most grateful for their patience and for the love they continued to show me. Knowing that I was capable of so much more, I made life harder than it had to be by procrastinating on projects, papers, getting caught up in boys, parties, weed, “Banana Red Mad Dog”… Even all of the positive things I was involved in, track and field, choir, student government (too much of a good thing can be bad…).

I made life harder by settling for just passing when I had all of the potential in the world to be an exceptional student. I’ve made life harder by…this is what this book is for, so that the reader can make a conscious effort to live life to the fullest, making it as easy as possible. This world has enough hang ups and distractions without us adding our own limitations. God is still working on me in many areas, breaking these old habits and molding me into the woman He has intended for me to be.

Those that know me personally, or that were a part of my life during the various times showcased in this book may contest the accuracy and accounts mentioned here. Keep in mind that this is my perception of occurrences. I do not intend to give any half truths about myself or the things I’ve done. I do intend to allow God to use me to the fullest through this book. There may be times that I cry through this thing. There may be times that I question what details to spare and what to give. In doing this, I want to be as transparent as possible but understand that specifics may be too much for some. I pray that I do not allow myself to take the reins on this one. That I be totally led by the Spirit and the world sees this book for what it is: the gift of life through Christ Jesus, who lives within me.

So why “Drama’s of a Bald Head Queen”?

My preferred look is a low cut. Some would consider me “bald headed”, some have even gone as far as to think they were damaging my esteem by calling me out. At one time in life calling me bald headed did left me feeling lower than low, but this was at a time when I was most uncomfortable with who I was. I did not understand at that time that I was made perfect by God. Even with all of my imperfections to include “bad” hair, I have become most comfortable with as little hair possible. Over the years I’ve had various looks trying to fit into others’ ideas of what a woman should look like and what beauty is. I think I looked alright with some of them. There are others that were not so…complimentary. From the jheri curl of the ‘80’s to a relaxer in the ‘90’s, there have been battles lost and won with my hair as, it has always been an issue.

Like so many little Black girls before me, having short hair seemed a curse placed upon me for reasons unknown. Had the sin of my ancestors been so great that God was seeing to it I never love myself? I felt doomed to be ugly in the eyes of others forever. I say in the eyes of others because for as long as I can remember, I would look into my brown eyes still trying to find the perfect fit into my big head and dared to believe that I was pretty. I had to have been about seven or eight when I first started really believing I was beautiful. Back then, I couldn’t help but be nappy, so by the time I was in middle school, I finally accepted that I’d always be “nappy” and vowed to be happy in my nappiness.

It was also sometime in middle school that I felt a greater connection to Africa, the Mother Land. In the world of hip hop, Queen Latifah, MC Lyte and other soul sisters reigned and their level of impact on me led me to a longing for greater knowledge of self. Boogie Down Productions, X-Clan and A Tribe Called Quest told me I was beautiful beyond what Seventeen magazine ever expressed to me. I found more of myself in the pages of Young Sisters and Brothers (YSB) magazine and on Saturday mornings as a satellite member of “The Posse” on BET’s Teen Summit. I found love for myself and for my people and told myself that had “my people” remained in Africa and never been enslaved in the Americas, I would have been Queen of my village.

The sisters in my crew adopted the nicknames Toy-Toy, Treecey, Ray-Ray, Quesha and ‘nem and there was already a Ne-Ne so I toyed around with various aliases in hopes to find one that would suit me well and define me upon mention even in my absence. My girlfriends began calling me Mother Africa and from there, Queen Nina became the moniker. By my second year in high school, I had not only cut my hair off and gone natural but, Queen Nina was who I was. No questions about it, no explanation required. I demanded respect from all through humility and in a determination to carry myself as a queen I made a conscious effort to walk worthy of the title amongst my peers.

It was about 2003 that the name “Dramas of a Bald Head Queen” was given to me. If I recall correctly, I was sitting at Applebee’s with my friends Tiff and K’Bana who had first hand observations of my lifestyle at the time. They had watched me evolve on the open mic scene in the Tidewater area of Virginia and also as a “pimp” amongst men. I had a lot going on at the time in regards to…well, to everything. Life was moving very fast. Three years into the military, I dreaded the process of completing the final year, I had more men than should legally be allowed and was caught on the battle field of spiritual warfare; that place between good and evil, between doing what I wanted and doing what God wanted, with no armor. I had teased on numerous occasions about the goings-on in my life and how, “I couldn’t wait for the book”, so I could really take a look at who I had become. I looked forward to the day that I could look back on such times and be amazed at what God had done.

I was at a point in my life where I felt as if there would never be a revolution. That night at Applebee’s there must’ve been some fuss about my hair. Comments about my Caesar had become common place and I just laughed off the stares and chatter from corner tables, and took it as admiration…admiration for my boldness and, even the audacity, to go so low and to wear it so well. It was that night that K’Bana gave me the name for my book. He is so good for having these “deep” spiritual moments where he’ll receive revelation about any number of things at any given moment. And that night two years ago, I was divinely given the title my first book. The “Dramas of a Bald Headed Queen”.

The dictionary gives several definitions for the word drama but there is one that best defines what this drama is about. “A series of events involving conflicting forces.” How appropriate. Whether we realize it or acknowledge it or not, there is in fact a continuous conflict in the world around us.

Second Corinthians 10:3-6 states that,

“3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”

Besides what we see in our day to day lives, there are conflicting forces within the spiritual realm. That part of life that we may not be able to explain. As I mentioned earlier, this is that battle between good and evil, heaven and hell, etc. A part of this warfare has been depicted in scenes of cartoons for decades. We walk with a demon on one shoulder and an angel on another. In retrospect, there was, and still is, a battle in the spiritual realm for my life, my attention and my intentions. God’s will vs. my will. My personal desires vs. God’s desires for my life. So my whole life has been a drama. Life is a drama. It consists of a series of events involving conflicting forces. Those forces being God and His army on one side and the enemy that seeks to “steal, kill and destroy.” (John 10:10) The devil should’ve kept me while he had me…Lord, I’m all yours…

This book is for me. It’s for you. It’s for the people who will never read it but that may hear about it. It’s for my father, my brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, any children I may ever have, for my future husband and for my beloved mother, who bragged for years before her passing of all of my accomplishments, even those that she never got to see, even those that we all have yet to see. She was so proud of her my brother and I… *wiping tears* I remember her beaming when she would tell her co-workers and friends that I was going to be a writer. In high school, household PC’s were not yet the norm but she bought me an electric typewriter so I could start writing. I never did get a whole lot of use out of that typewriter. But she bought it for me in hopes that my thoughts would flow more fluidly through keys than through a ball point. She would listen to my poetry and share hers with me. It’s times of sharing like this that more young people need to experience…

Thank you Lord for my mothers…my father…all of the people you’ve ever placed in my life that have ever had faith in me, those who had hopes and dreams for me. Most importantly, thank you for those who have kept faith in You on behalf of what You can do with me and through me. May You receive all of the glory for every word typed, spoken, written or even considered. I praise You and I love You Lord, for all that You are, all that You’ve ever done and all that You’re doing. Amen.

*listening to* “Give Me a Clean Heart”—Fred Hammond, Purpose By Design

Queen Nina (2006)

Preparing the Way -"Dramas of a Bald Head Queen"-2011

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Just start writing Nina…type something…laskfja;slkfjaosdifjaosdifjw…So this is how books are started? Vision. Focus…lose focus. Vision. *listens closely* Lord, I can’t do this. Vision. Focus. *pulls hair out* “Lord, not my will but thy will be done…”

What is a preface anyway? I mean, does anyone really read them? I’ve read the prefaces in many a book and somewhere after the fourth page or so, I just fast forward to “Chapter One”. I guess “Disclaimer” would be the equivalent to a preface on forms signed prior to a procedure or, on the label of a product: “Notice to Consumer”. This is my chance to let you, the reader, know that at times, I may ramble. That although I’ve been given a vision for this book, there may be times that I seem unsure or perhaps I’ll seem to teeter over how much of me I’m ready to give. And there’s a lot to give… Also, I have a tendency to write like I speak and now, with the IM and text messaging revolution, I may write like I communicate with my “friends” on Myspace or on the boards of Okayplayer.com (Shouts to ?love and all OKPs). I will have this work edited of course, for the obvious, but I want you to get all of me so there may be a chapter or two where it sounds more like a blog than a best-selling debut. *winks* Literary/English scholars may cringe. Take a deep breath. Let me hold your hand. Now keep reading!!!! Ha! Good…my overuse of ellipses is intentional… Most of my thoughts are in fact incomplete.

It is my hope that through “Drama”, I am able to show you just what God has been doing with me these past 28 years. It’s been quite a time and there have been many people involved in the creation of this woman whose words may or may not make a difference in your life. I pray that these words do in fact make a difference. I pray that through my mishaps, ill decisions, triumphs, disobedience, pains, pleasure and joys, you are able to take from my life something to make yours a little easier. I realized at a young age that I was in a cycle that had to be broken. I realized that, somewhere in high school I believe, I was already making life harder than it had to be. I recall being a child that was always willing to take advice from upperclassmen, my parents, teachers, whomever. I wanted to get as much from others experiences as possible…