Monthly Archives: October 2010

Loving Me and the Things I Hate About Me

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Loving Me and the Things I Hate About Me

I hate that I’m the one to always reach out…

…that I seem to love harder than ppl seem 2 love me…

…that my heart is as big and as open as it is…and that I can’t help but show it…

…that I cry over the sunrise and Kleenex commercials…

…that I am either hot or cold…

…that there is no gray area…

…that I am so expressive…

…that I oftentimes want more for others than they want for themselves…

…that I find it easier to encourage/support others more than I encourage/support myself…

…that I…

…that I still struggle with loving the things I hate about myself.

But because I realize Who created me, I am learning to love me, and all of the things I hate about me…

…because all of these things, are what make me me.

I understand that my heart is open in a world so easily closed off to the warmth of a full heart…

…that people may not know how to love…

…that maybe I can show them how…

…that God gave me arms for reaching…especially for those who pull away…

…that it’s my responsibility to teach people how to love me…

…that sometimes, people want more for me than I want for myself…

…that people know they can count on me for encouragement and support…

…I am learning to love me…in spite of me. To love me just as God created me to be.

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The Revolution Begins With You

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She called me with shame all over her. The trembling of her voice…the shortness of breath. It was on her every word. Guilt poured over the weight over r back like rain waters on a levy that should have long been replaced. That thing was on her.

She shared that she was sick of herself. That she was tired of the woman she was…tired of using herself to get things…Tired of giving herself away for all the wrong reasons. As she spoke to me melting into a pool of tears, I couldn’t help but stand there on the other end of the phone and smile.

Not just a smile like, “aw bless her heart” type of smile that a mother would give her youngest daughter after her first heart break but a wide grin…like a Cheshire Cat. Ear to ear…every tooth showing…my soul beaming with excitement as God brought to my remembrance the sound of my own quivering voice as I came to Him in despair and at my wit’s end not so long ago…

I knew her pain and as I spoke with her on the phone, I laughed at the thought of that pain and the growth that came from it. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and after doing so, quickly explained to her the excitement that I was experiencing being able to look back at the woman I had been…I laughed. I laughed for her…I laughed for me…I laughed for every young woman that has ever found herself looking in the mirror in disgust at the image that stared back into once loving, beautiful, peaceful yes.

Tonight, I laughed…and smiled. I told her that she was “there”. That she was exactly where she needed to be and although it is never my hope for anyone to feel the pain I endured just 7 years ago, now that she was there, it was time to push.

I remember that time in my life…I remember it ALL too well…