Monthly Archives: January 2010

The Desire to "Just Be…Me"


I remember being in that place—In love with the person I’d come to know and despising her all at the same time. I recall how it feels to teeter between loving myself just the way I was and longing to be like every girl I saw that wasn’t like me.

I was a lucky one…

…early in life, I had people telling me I was beautiful. Some teachers, my mother, my father…and perhaps at that point in life, it was simply a positive affirmation, repeated in an attempt to, “…speak those things that are not, as though they were…” And I thank them for that. I am grateful for them telling me how beautiful my smile and eyes were but I must admit, like most people during their ‘tweens, my head was too big for my body, my legs were lanky and my hair was, well, a HOT, NAPPY MESS to say the least…
But all the while, I’ve known myself to be beautiful and even though I endured years of torment on playgrounds and during various neighborhood antics, at times, led by my older brother, by age 12, I KNEW I was beautiful, even in my “ugly duckling” stage.

Last week I was visiting with a friend of mine who has a daughter on the edge of 15 and “OMG…” she’s “…fat…” as I watch her hold her “belly” which is nothing more than a finger-full of skin that she has pulled from her small frame in an attempt to find something, anything wrong with her long slender body.

Then again, last night, the same child spoke about being too thin and trying to gain weight, which we told her she didn’t need to do that age would handle that for her in due time…don’t rush it.

This showed me that we, women specifically, have a difficult time early in life learning to love ourselves just the way we are. That we don’t understand our developmental process and that no one is destined to look the EXACT same way through their whole life. We spend so many minutes within our days making excuses for why compliments given to us can’t be genuine or why we don’t deserve them because “…I need a relaxer/cut/color/need to lose weight…” instead of just appreciating who we are and thanking God that others might ever possibly see us the way God sees us…BEAUTIFUL.

The problem is, WE don’t see it so how can we possibly believe that someone else sees the beauty that we hold…?

“Nina…you know, you should grow your hair out really long and then straighten it…so that way you’ll look like a princess”, says the 14-year old. I smiled and replied, “But I like my hair just the way it is…and besides, why be a princess when you can be a queen…?” I went on to assure her that the look I have is what works best for me and that I stopped trying to look like everyone else years ago…and that she should stop now before she’s too far gone.

Love yourself.  You are the best you there could ever be…


Bad Habits

I understand why he’s so scared

That love ran deep
It’s still in his veins
Bad habits are hard to break
Although adopting them as
Part of you

Is easy to get into
Like taking a hit for the first time
…addiction is real

That you could get use to
The taste

The smell
The longing for it

That thing runs so deep
A recovering addict can’t commune with the saints
Just a sip will have him backsliding

Just the sound of her name
Triggers memories marking the beginning of the obsession
Like sin
It’s still in his heart
I understand why he’s scared
He’s afraid of what he’s worked so hard at getting over

I understand…
…I’m scared too

Prayer & Fasting-Focus #2 Friends & Family (Relationships)


So…people, build families and families build strong communities and the cycle carries on to create the world we live in. The Word speaks of a time when people will be:

Romans 1:30 “…backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents…” If our families can’t hold it together, how do we expect any salvation for the world lest we seek Jesus…?

We see evidence of this Scripture coming to pass DAILY.  Some in our personal lives, on TV, in music…it is everywhere.  This means that it’s up to us to change the cycle in our lives. 

Lord, today I focus on You and Your relationships with people…or shall I say, our relationship with You. First and foremost, parents and their children need you. Families need you. Help young children and adult children alike understand that their parents are human too. Help them to be patient and loving towards their parents and allow parents to do the same with their children, regardless of their age. Increase their communication with one another Lord…not only communication but understanding of each other as well.

Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Heal our wounds and refresh us with Your Spirit…

We are human. No one is perfect but You Lord, and although many of us have You within us, righteousness only takes us but so far when it comes to other humans…allow parents to live according to Your will and may children see You in their parents, always…even when mistakes are made. May they see Your love and your intentions for their life…with You.

May relationships in general grow stronger because of Your strength. I pray that You show Yourself strong Lord, help us to make wise decisions regarding every relationship that we are introduced to and those that we are currently involved in.

Some relationships we’re born into and some, we walk into willingly. With those that we walk into, sometimes it’s Your will and other times, it’s our own. I ask that You help those that I know and love to receive a relationship (or greater relationship) with You FIRST.

From there Lord, I ask that You show them what relationships to hold onto and which ones to release. For those that they are called to maintain, I ask that you help them to cultivate those relationships according to Your will.

For every relationship that You’ve given to Raphael and I, help us to not only “fellowship” with our friends and family, but to show them You and encourage them with Your Spirit and Your Word. Always. Help us to minister to them constantly through our lives with You.

I pray all of these things in the name of Jesus. Amen. *says “Amen” in sign language…and sings it like the end of doxology* LOL

Praying and Fasting-Focus #1 Marriages



Lord, there are many young couples (and some veterans in the game) that need a refreshing of love, of guidance, of clarity and strength. Lord, continue to grow married couples up. Not only closer to you, but closer to the husband/wife that they committed themselves to.

Help wives not think with worldly minds regarding the word “submit” and help husbands not abuse and misuse the Word. I pray for patience, for communication and for submission to one another and ultimately, to You Father. I thank You that they will walk in love and in patience. That they recognize and remember that their marriage is their first ministry.  I pray that these couples be on one accord according to Your Word:

Ephesians 4:2-6 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

Help husbands and wives support one another and their families and Lord, give provision while they do so.

1 Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

I ask that You increase intimacy in the lives of these married couples both in and out of the bedroom. Help them to desire one another so that no door be left open for Satan to enter into their relationship. Cover them Lord and create in them a longing for one another that will bond them together like never before.

1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

For those that are currently trying to conceive or that are expecting, Lord, cover them and the unborn life that is with them. Prepare them for parenthood and help them to receive Your peace, always. Luke 1 Zacharias and Elizabeth

For those that long to be married, Lord, prepare them as well and help them to WAIT for Your direction and to NEVER settle to simply be married. May they continue to serve You will all they are.  All things in Your time Lord. Being Single Isn’t ALL Bad!!!

I pray all of these things in the name of Jesus and also pray the same for my own marriage. I thank You Lord that You are in control of all things and that no man can put asunder what You have put together. I thank You for Your love that is a living example of the love that we are to have for one another…and may we walk in that love always Lord. Amen.

Matthew 19:6 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”